Today is the SECOND day that I have achieved not purging. I have been going back and forth between the same five pounds mainly due to b/p. I just wish I had never discovered the ability to p. Life was so much easier.
He is back from NH. The boy from last summer. The one that caused so much lovehurtpaindesireescapeaddictionlife. He is back. I haven't seen him yet, but I know the day I simply catch a glimpse of him will be a hard day indeed. A very scary hard day. Luckily, I have been working so much lately that the only other thing I really have time to do is go for my run, shower and go to bed. Then get up and do it all over again the following day. I just don't know what I am doing anymore, really.
I don't know where I am going, what I am doing, how I am going to amount to anything more than a pathetic girl that can't go a day without feeling the edge of something or other.
The thought of my razors have been more and more tempting as the days go by and the numbers remain the same. I feel like as long as I am still living at home, nothing is going to change. My goal is to be moved out by the end of January at the latest. It is definitely plausible to do.
I have decided to try to take mostly, if not all, online classes this semester to avoid what happened last year. To avoid the anxiety, panic, and all together procrastination that led to my amazing 1.75 overall GPA for the entire last year. Hopefully I can keep coming back on here as I will soon have the internet again at my house. Sorry for the long absence. Absence of will of motivation of honesty and control. Determination.
22 July 2011
14 July 2011
hellogoodbyeroundandround
Hey guys I am really truly sorry about not being here for so long. I have fallen to the other side. Can't seem to resist... however, I am slowly getting... better. No numbers for awhile, but I will try not to be gone for so long again. Been writing more on my journal than anywhere else...
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