And Which Way Would That BE??

I am pretty tired right now, but I don't fancy sleeping either... There really isn't a reason not to sleep, except that I have no right to do so. There is no reason to. I have not earned it. I am a failure upon the world that is a great bump in the road that they will soon flatten from continually running over and over again. What to do then?

Monday I am supposed to call about my other job at McDonalds, but I am not sure if I especially want the job anymore... I am not really happy at subway, but I am quite sure I would be less so at Mcds. And besides, McDs is even worse off than Subway. And I would be getting more hours, but less pay. I think I should just stick here and keep it at that for now... I was also thinking about applying for a seasonal job somewhere, that would be pretty nice; --crap my battery is going to die. write morelater!

XXX

Back on Track

I am finally back on track. For a while, I lost my control. I was going to get my tongue pierced again to FORCE myself into it and stop myself. Not myself, my other self. But, the piercer doesnt do horizontal piercings, and apparently my tongue is too small for a second one. Hmph. BUT I am back to eating as I was before college. However, this is largely because I am off-campus again and do not ahve the option to eating in the dining hall. I have already lsot half a pound. But that's not even close to enough. I have so much to go to get to my goal.

I was talking to you the other day (you know who you are, love) and to be quite honest. I do not even remember all we talked about for four hours. I know it was some deep shit, but I was just talking about whatever and whenever anythign came to mind. I love that I can talk to you about that. And like that. You said I should see someone. And when I remembered what we were talking about, it seemed like a good idea. But now, for the life of me, I cannot remember. And do not want to see anyone. Why should I.

Cutting seems to continue to appeal. I don't know why I even do it some times. I just do. and then it doesnt occur to me to stop. I might feel the need to do so, but then after I make the first cut, I jsut continue. After a while, I am usually like 'well, I should probably stop for now.' Funny, it never occurs to me that I never thought I would continue this after having not down it for three years.

Hopefully other things wont be the same scenario...

You are all amazing!

Just a little 'hey' to my new followers!! Totally just made my night! Gonna go check out all your blogs now.