False Advertising

I was right. It is easier to be alone than try to make something work that shouldn't couldn't wouldn't. There's this guy that works next door to me back home, he goes to a local uni by me and we went to the same high school, hes two years older than me. A really sweet guy. I say that with a slight scowl, however. I went on a date, I guess, with him tonight. We just went to the movies. At first, I thought it was going to be okay. I had that 'date' jitters or whatever. I was glad to be there. Although he's at least a foot taller than me. But anyways, a little while into the movie he put his hand on my knee. Before he did that, I was okay, I was all nervous and such like when you are on a first date, but the moment he touched me, I felt... I'm not sure the exact word, but dirty, cheap, a liar.
Tease. Fake. Closet. Fall.
I didn't do anything. Didn't really move to acknowledge that it was ok or not. just. sat. there. After the movie, I gave him a big hug. I have needed a hug for a long time. That is definitely true. Hugs can hold you together. They can squish everything back into place sometimes. However, afterwards he kissed me. Just a small peck, but still. I smiled, he said we would get together next week when I was feeling better from my teeth. I didn't really say anything and I got in my car. The second he drove away, everything ceased. Then the wave hit me. I felt so guilty. I kept thinking about what a horrible person I am. I should not be dating anyone, because I don't even know what I want and shouldn't bring anyone else down with me. I zoned out the entire drive home and even missed my exit. It took everything just to drive in my own lane straight.

Sorry about the pity post, it jsut helps for some reason.