Snow Globe

So, I'm back at school. I am doing pretty much the same thing, but after I got all unpacked and whatnot, I just got... really down. Not sad, just, down. Classes start tomorrow. Hopefully my mood doesn't get any worse. I can't deal with that and first day stress all together. Too much.

Comment Replies (of which are ridiculousy overdue):

O.G.:Yep, the Blogger app for the droid is awesome! And FREE! I'm glad we both enjoi talking to the internet :) very much so

Elara: I am soo going to read that... once i get through the big list of other books also awaiting my mind's eye. Once I do, I'll let ya know how it was. Thanks for telling me bouts it. And thanks for the happy birthday!

TheScaleCracked: I see what you mean about gaining weight after becoming vegan. I never would have thought it was easier to gain weight being vegan than being vegetarian. I have to be so much more strict now. And I am jealous of YOU >> Beautiful (if you don't mind my saying :) I noticed you don't have a blog. Do you have one somewhere else? I would be quite interested in reading.


It has been so long since I last posted. Quite a lot has kinda happened.

To begin, my birthday dinner... oh mymymy. Very bad. Very bad indeed. We ended up going to Friendly's and I ate half a veggie patty and some fries. However, allowing myself to eat that caused me to keep eating them. I went out with friends about three times that week after and at one point, went to applebees and ate an entire veggire cowboy burger, and all my fries. HOLY CRAP! Just imagining those calories makes me want to puke.
Last night was pretty bad too. I hung out with Kristin, she made me dinner. We had spaghetti and meatless meatballs, garlic bread, and a cup of soy milkshake. That alone was too much. But, then, I went home and for some reason had a vegan brownie and two sliced of lite wheat toast with peanut butter. Then I had two more slices of toast with pb. and I had probably three glasses of crystal light lemonade as well. I hadn't purged since my birthday dinner, but last night, it was really not a choice. It was surprisingly easy to do so, I was glad.

Another thing that has badly developed is laxatives. I hate to think of what I have likely done to myself. The night of my birthday dinner, I took 4 before dinner and six more after purging because I was worried purging had possibly gotten rid of some of the laxatives I had already taken. Then the day after I took 6, and the day after that 8, and so on and so forth. Friday night, I took a total of twelve... In the past two weeks, I have probably not taken laxatives maybe, three days max? I, however, did not take any today. Simply becasue I don't want to be in class with a bunch of new people and be running to the bathroom. I don't want to be worrying about having to do so, either.

One good thing about being back here, is that I already feel more of a sense of control again. Back home, I had been doing so well, all the way down to 97, only to lose it and get back all the way up to 102. I am down to 100 right now. I ate a fat free scone my dad picked up for me. I felt bad, becasue it was vegan and he was all excited about it, so I ate it, because I didn't want to make him sad right before I left. Then, I weighed myself just now, after drinking some Powerade (trying to get some electrolytes back from all those laxatives. Zero calories, of course) and it said 100.3, so hopefully with my new restrictions, I will at least be able to be back down to 97 by Friday. I only work three days this week, and no closing days (thankfully, I don't think I will be closing anymore)so, I am going to be planning out my days from everything to going to class, laundry, when I will do what, and when and what exactly I will eat. This seems to work the best for me, so nothing it unplanned and there is no time to roam. Also, I have takien all the food that is in my room and placed it in a drawer in my dresser and covering the food are pictures of me in eighth grade, at about my highest weight and pictures of my favourite Versace thinspo.

Tomorrow's intake: I am going to go down to 300 calories. This seems to be a perfect number. More, and it seems wrong, and less is almost sure to spark a binge.
Coffee x2 w/Splenda
1 serving vegetarian Vegetable soup - 90
1/2 cup applesauce - 50
20 Grapes - 60
This is only 200 calories, but I am going to toy around with it tomorrow and see what my other options are to make it be 300.

Off to bed, 9am class tomorrow.


XXX