Pointless rambling.

CW: 104.4

I got on the scale this morning. saw 104.6. Only down .2. I felt like such a failure. Just a few months ago, a .2 loss would have meant something, now, it's just not enough. Every night I dream nightmare after nightmare.

'You really don't have prominent collar bones, just kinda hints of them.'

That was still replaying itself back and forth when I opened my eyes. needless to say, I couldn't bring myself to go to class. Again. I don't know waht I'm doing anymore. Nothing else matters.

My sister went running yesterday around town. Probably about 2.5 miles in total. Sha was sad that my brother wouldn't go, but rode his bike alongside her. This made me happy. I told her that when I got back form uni, we could go running together. Running with her would make me never want to stop running - no matter how much pain I was in, I would make sure I run better than her.

By the time I get home, those jeans we bought to share WILL fit me well. They were a bit tight on me, a bit loose/good on her. I will be able to wear them with pride my the end of May. Promise.

I have yet to eat today, other than 8 oz. V8 lower sodium veggie juice(50). Needless to say, that stuff is not very yummy, but it IS 2 serv. of veggies. I barely feel hungry, nor the urge to eat, even.

I had the urgre to eat cookie after cookie after toast after ice cream last night. Instead, I grabbed a SF creamsicle and went for a walk. Did some exercises and got in the shower.

The aid at my house wanted to have dinner with me before I go home. She knows how much I was in LOVE with Buzzy's pizza. However, thankfully I told her that I couldn't have it until next Thursday, hoping she would give up, becasue I will not see her after Wednesday. However, she has decided that she is going to come over just to bring pizza and visit me. OK. Plan: Run at least 4 miles, stationary bike, walk around the city for 1 hour, more if the weather is nice. That should be ok, especially if I fast on Friday. Oh let me be strong. Let my stomach have shrunk enough from only having a small bit of applesauce accompanied by something small once daily for two weeks...