*The Basics*
Name:: sAm
Sex:: female
Birthday:: 15 January
Age:: 19
Location:: Phoenix
Hair Color:: Brown
Eye Color:: Hazel, multi
*My Eating Disorder*
What Eating Disorders Do You Have:: I guess anorexia, although I feel like a fake saying that. It’s not really… Iunno, it’s just not ___
How Long Have You Had Them:: I realized something around the end of March 2010
Why Do You Have An Eating Disorder:: In a way to put it, I am good at it… It never leaves.
Are You Proud or Ashamed of Your Eating Disorder:: Do I have to pick only one… I don’t think I would use the words ‘Proud’ or ‘Ashamed’ more along the lines of… attached, security blanket….
Do People Know About Your Eating Disorder:: My best friend J. That’s it though.
Do You Wish People Knew About it:: No.
Do You Wish You Never Had An Eating Disorder:: Every day. In a way, though, I love it. It’s a love-hate relationship.
Do You Think The Media is Partially Responsible For Your Eating Disorder:: Nope.
*My Body*
Weight Before Eating Disorder:: I guess maybe 120s, back in eighth grade?
Height: 5'4’’
Current Weight:: 97
Highest Weight:: 125ish?
Lowest Weight:: 96
Are You Tired A lot:: Sometimes, yea kind of. Especially when I don’t have coffee, all I can do is sleeeep
Have You Ever Fainted:: Yea, but that was back in eighth grade, when not eating breakfast was foreign to me. All I had for breakfast was a pop-tart, and I was in a gym for a friend’s graduation ceremony. The gym was not air conditioned and probably 100 degrees. I used to eat a lot, I think. I don’t remember.
Are You Cold All The Time:: Kind of. Not ALL the time.
Do Your Ribs Show:: Yea.
Do Your Hipbones Show:: Oh yes. <3
Does Your Collar Bone Show:: Yep
Can You See Your Ribs Through Your Back:: Yes.
Do Your Thighs Touch:: Sometimes. My thighs are discusting.
Chest Size:: Bra: 32A. According to my tape measure,
Does Your Head Look Too Big For Your Body:: I’ve never really looked. I don’t focus it as a whole. I am either looking at my head, or at my body.
Are You Satisfied With The Way You Look Now:: No.
If You Could, What Would You Change About Yourself:: A lot. I wish my thighs were smaller. I wish I could get rid of the fat on my stomach. If I could afford it, laser hair removal would be bomb <3 I wish the fat on my chin would leave. The fat spilling over my jeans.
What Is Your B.M.I.::
What Do The Doctors Say is Your Ideal Weight:: I avoid the doctor like the Plague, now. All I know is, when I was 103, I was apparently in the twelfth percentile, that’s all I know..
What Do You Think Is Your Ideal Weight:: I guess probably between 115 and 125, but that is unacceptable. Disgusting. FAT.
*My Thinspirations*
Who Are Your Thinspirations:: The Versace models. My sister. Real girls.
Who is Your Favorite Thinspiration:: I don’t really have one…
Who is Your Second Favorite Thinspiration:: Again.
Why Do You Envy Them:: Because I want them. They are gorgeous.
What's The Best Thing About Them:: Their thighs don’t touch no matter how much they squeeze them together. They don’t have a double chin.
What's The Worst Thing About Them:: They are probably sad too.
Would You Trade Places With Them If You Could:: No. I am me, sAm I am.
*My Mind*
Do You Consider Your Eating Disorder a 'Disorder':: No. It’s just something that IS.
Are You Pro-Ana/Pro-Mia:: Based on the fact that I do not have a very clear idea what this is exactly, I am going to skip this question.
Would You Ever Want Your Best Friend To Have An Eating Disorder:: No. Just thinking about it makes me cry.
What Are Your Disordered Eating Habits:: laxative abuse, calorie counting, exercise counting (miles, times, calories), cutting out specific food groups, safe foods, impulsive spitting (like putting something in my mouth and then suddenly spitting it out), caffeine, SF candy/gum, diet pills, occasional purging, fasting, always trying to feed everyone else.
Are You Obsessive Compulsive:: I don’t think so.
Are You A Perfectionist:: On some accounts. My makeup, my clothes; it has to at least appear perfect before I leave. The entire time I couldn’t wear makeup because of my wisdom teeth, I was going crazy - especially in school.
Do You Have Depression:: I suppose I do. I wish I didn’t.
Are You A Cutter:: I don’t like that word, but yes.
Have You Ever Been Suicidal:: I want to live forever
Have You Ever Attempted Suicide:: Again, I want to live FOREVER AND EVER
Have You Ever Been Hospitalized For Mental Reasons:: no.
Have You Ever Been Hospitalized For Your Eating Disorder:: nope.
Do You Have Body Dismorphic Disorder:: I don’t think so.
*Your Life Outside Your Disorder*
Favorite Color:: Does black count? A three way between purple, green, and blue.
Favorite Movie:: Boys Don’t Cry, The Holiday, 10,000 B.C.
Favorite Book:: Oh, that’s absolutely impossible to answer. At the moment, Unbearable Lightness, by Portia de Rossi
Favorite T.V. Show:: Ellen, Criminal Minds. I don’t watch TV really, anymore. No access to the broadcasting thingy.
Favorite Season:: Fall. It is cold enough to get away with wearing long sleeves and no one notices, but not so cold that I have to be inside all the time.
Favorite Day of The Week:: …?
Favorite Time Of Day::. Early summer, early fall, in the morning when the sun is at the perfect angle and I can just sit in the grass with Max. Peaceful.
Favorite Holiday:: I don’t like holidays. They make me be mean, for some reason.
Favorite Hobby:: Reading.
Favorite Actor:: So many for many, many different reasons. Johnny Depp.
Favorite Actress:: Natalie Portman, Hillary Swank, Angelina Jolie
Favorite Musician:: hmmm.
Do You Have Any Pets:: Max, my best friend, a mutt. Jack, a lab. Raven, my bob tailed kitty. Joey, my baby and attention whore kitty.
What Do You Like To Do In Your Spare Time:: Read, crochet, chill in the peace and quiet.
*The Future*
What Do You Want To Study In College:: I am studying Psychology and Criminal Justice.
What Career Do You Want:: Eating Disorder Speacialist.
Do You Ever Want To Get Married:: I can’t see it.
Do You Ever Want Kids:: Yes.
Where Do You Want To Live:: Somewhere that is quiet, that makes me happy when I come home.
Will You Have Any Pets:: Always.
What Type of House Do You Want:: I love the little cottage in The Holiday. I could see myself living there.
What Goals Do You Have That Are Unrelated To Your Eating Disorder:: To one day own a Tiburon again. Or a similar car that makes me beam at the thought of it. Oh yea!
What's Your Number One Priority:: To get to my UGW. Whatever that may be, to be happy (whatever that is).
How Do You Think You Will Die:: I like to think I won’t.
When Do You Think You WIll Die:: Hopefully, not for a very very long time.
Will You Be Missed By Anyone:: Max. Probably my friends and family I guess.
Will You Have Any Regrets:: Everything that happened made me who I am today. Without them, I would be a different person.
Will You Have Any Unfinished Business:: Doesn’t everyone?
Will Your eating disorder still be affecting you:: I highly doubt it will ever really be gone.
Feel free to use this. I got it from O.G. on Wanting Is Never Enough. AMAZING blog. You should all go read :)
I've been really busy with classes lately, I'll update when I can...
15 February 2011
12 February 2011
Find My Way Back
SO, after thinking about it, I realized whenever I try to spur of the moment fast, I always end up eating a shit-ton of junk food. So, correction to my fast through wednesday:
Instead, I will fast Sunday and tuesday and every two days. The two days in between the fasts, I am going to stay under 200 calories. I am also going to start using the treadmill on campus. I am going to start going at night after work when hopefully it will not be too busy. It will probably be difficult, but much more effective in the long run than my fast. Because, really, if I am being realistic, I know at some point if I try to fast, I am going to seriously binge - of which I am tired of doing.
Yesterday, I also got a couple more workout DVDS. I got three Jullian Michaels (Beginners, Matabolism Boost, and a Cardio), I got the ELLE cardio and the yoga one, and I also have this Valerie Bertinelli one. I did three stages of the Metabolism Boost one today. It was very good. Very inclusive. I am going to start doing that in the morning before I get ready for class and before I shower at night.
As of this monring, I was 100.0. I had already had coffee, however. Tomorrow is my fasting day. It should be pretty simple. I have a meeting for work at 830, then I work 11 to 3 (probably get out at 2). Then I have to come back to study for a stats test on Monday and write a paper. I just wish I could check out for a while. I don't want to think about school anymore. I wish I could just leave. But I know to do what I want, I have to stay put.
I have had today:
Good Belly Probiotic Juice Drink (50)
3 Cookies :( (220)
1 Serving high fiber Triscuit Crisps (130)
TOTAL: 400
With the workout I did earlier, I would guess I burned about 200. I did the warm up, then three of the seven levels.
Hopefully, because of the cookies, I do not see a weight gain tomorrow.
Instead, I will fast Sunday and tuesday and every two days. The two days in between the fasts, I am going to stay under 200 calories. I am also going to start using the treadmill on campus. I am going to start going at night after work when hopefully it will not be too busy. It will probably be difficult, but much more effective in the long run than my fast. Because, really, if I am being realistic, I know at some point if I try to fast, I am going to seriously binge - of which I am tired of doing.
Yesterday, I also got a couple more workout DVDS. I got three Jullian Michaels (Beginners, Matabolism Boost, and a Cardio), I got the ELLE cardio and the yoga one, and I also have this Valerie Bertinelli one. I did three stages of the Metabolism Boost one today. It was very good. Very inclusive. I am going to start doing that in the morning before I get ready for class and before I shower at night.
As of this monring, I was 100.0. I had already had coffee, however. Tomorrow is my fasting day. It should be pretty simple. I have a meeting for work at 830, then I work 11 to 3 (probably get out at 2). Then I have to come back to study for a stats test on Monday and write a paper. I just wish I could check out for a while. I don't want to think about school anymore. I wish I could just leave. But I know to do what I want, I have to stay put.
I have had today:
Good Belly Probiotic Juice Drink (50)
3 Cookies :( (220)
1 Serving high fiber Triscuit Crisps (130)
TOTAL: 400
With the workout I did earlier, I would guess I burned about 200. I did the warm up, then three of the seven levels.
Hopefully, because of the cookies, I do not see a weight gain tomorrow.
11 February 2011
Comment Replies
Kirrari Sings:
I am very much in love with your blog. I am trying to stop my super bad habits, but it is slow going. Any advice on what I should try to at least help me get over the last couple days of the really bad laxatives? I really appreciate your coomments, by the way. I really do.
Jecks:
I love you, too. Forever and always of course. I may have to take you up on that offer in a few days. We shall see how things pan out. See you soon!
I am very much in love with your blog. I am trying to stop my super bad habits, but it is slow going. Any advice on what I should try to at least help me get over the last couple days of the really bad laxatives? I really appreciate your coomments, by the way. I really do.
Jecks:
I love you, too. Forever and always of course. I may have to take you up on that offer in a few days. We shall see how things pan out. See you soon!
Fast
I am going to do a liquid fast through until Wednesday. I am above 100 again because of yesterday. My car is horrifically broken, and I freakerd out and just ate soo much. However, I had 25 laxatives, then when I got home, I purged most of it. Then took 13 this morning after seeing that number on the scale. 101.6. Unacceptable. So, I will be fasting through today until Wednesday. I can have huice coffee, ect. Thats it. Only liquids. And, even though I hate doing so, I am going to start using the gym at my uni until I get my gym membership. Gotta go to class, but lots to update later
08 February 2011
Fairy Tales
I'll post some pictures tonight of myself. I am fascinated by them for some reason.
Last night, I had to write a paper for my Intro Lit class of what a certain poem meant to us. It was a formalist view, so we had to pick just a few lines from the 131 line poem and reflect on it. T.S. Eliot's 'The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock'
If you have not read ot, which you probably have not, you certainly should.
I chose the last eight lines of the poem:
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.
I do not think that they will sing to me.
I have seen them riding seaward on the waves
Combing the white hair of the waves blown back
When the wind blows the water white and black.
We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us, and we drown. (ll. 124-131)
I wrote about how happy endings are those of only fairy tales, how love is dedead, and we don't always get what we want, that the outcomes are not always pretty with silver linings and a light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes, there is just a brick wall, or a cliff.
When I reread it, I was kind of sad. It was a very cynical paper, but true all the same. I am very intersted in what the Prof. has to say about it, because most people are writing about how you shouldn't regret anything, or something about religion, or how women are not things. ANd here I am writing a ridiculously cynical paper on love. My title was 'Fairy Tales: This is Not a LOve Story, There Are No Happy Endings'
Last night, I had to write a paper for my Intro Lit class of what a certain poem meant to us. It was a formalist view, so we had to pick just a few lines from the 131 line poem and reflect on it. T.S. Eliot's 'The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock'
If you have not read ot, which you probably have not, you certainly should.
I chose the last eight lines of the poem:
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.
I do not think that they will sing to me.
I have seen them riding seaward on the waves
Combing the white hair of the waves blown back
When the wind blows the water white and black.
We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us, and we drown. (ll. 124-131)
I wrote about how happy endings are those of only fairy tales, how love is dedead, and we don't always get what we want, that the outcomes are not always pretty with silver linings and a light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes, there is just a brick wall, or a cliff.
When I reread it, I was kind of sad. It was a very cynical paper, but true all the same. I am very intersted in what the Prof. has to say about it, because most people are writing about how you shouldn't regret anything, or something about religion, or how women are not things. ANd here I am writing a ridiculously cynical paper on love. My title was 'Fairy Tales: This is Not a LOve Story, There Are No Happy Endings'
Inferno
One translation, from the Princeton Dante Project, is:
"If I thought my answer were given
to anyone who would ever return to the world,
this flame would stand still without moving any further.
But since never from this abyss
has anyone ever returned alive, if what I hear is true,
without fear of infamy I answer you."
The past weekend was a complete disaster. There is no other way to describe it. I am, however down to 97.2, but besides the point. Doesn't Count, as far as I am concerned. Friday was the lady I live with's birthday, and party. Thankfully I had to work. However, when I got home, they had left a bunch of snacks and cookies and chips and cake. It was essentially everything I tend to binge on: pretzels, ritz crackers, cookies, goldfish, chocolatey foods, cake, and sweet bread. It was bad, although I guess it could have been worse. I was eating so much every night. TO fix this, today when I get home, I am going to throw away the things that are almost empty and tell the other girl here that I ate them. The things that are not even open, I am not going to touch. I will not even open that cupboard anymore.
I have learned how to effectively purge better though. I have also, though, started laxatives again. 20 last night, 15 the night before, and ten the night before that. My stomach was in so much pain this morning, I didn't even go to my first class. I have to go to my second one, though, fer sure. I have an exam on Thursday, so I have to figure things out.
Lately, I feel emotionally dead. Ever since I came back from break, really, it's like I am simply going through the motions. The days blur together, with no end in sight. The only thing I really FEEL anymore, is when I am cutting. And I have definitely been doing a lot of that. Really quick deep slashes. My side, my chest, my arm, my legs... I am going to run out of room soon enough. Part of my wants to stop, but another part of me hold onto it like a lifeline.
I used to be sad that I didn't really have any friends here, but now I don't want any. There a couple people who are trying to get together and hang out with me, and, yea, I will talk to them in class, well it's actually only one person, but I just don't want to get too close to anyone. I will be leaving soon, not coming back, and besides, if anyone gets too close, that could be a very big problem. It is hard enough keeping things a secret to begin with.
"If I thought my answer were given
to anyone who would ever return to the world,
this flame would stand still without moving any further.
But since never from this abyss
has anyone ever returned alive, if what I hear is true,
without fear of infamy I answer you."
The past weekend was a complete disaster. There is no other way to describe it. I am, however down to 97.2, but besides the point. Doesn't Count, as far as I am concerned. Friday was the lady I live with's birthday, and party. Thankfully I had to work. However, when I got home, they had left a bunch of snacks and cookies and chips and cake. It was essentially everything I tend to binge on: pretzels, ritz crackers, cookies, goldfish, chocolatey foods, cake, and sweet bread. It was bad, although I guess it could have been worse. I was eating so much every night. TO fix this, today when I get home, I am going to throw away the things that are almost empty and tell the other girl here that I ate them. The things that are not even open, I am not going to touch. I will not even open that cupboard anymore.
I have learned how to effectively purge better though. I have also, though, started laxatives again. 20 last night, 15 the night before, and ten the night before that. My stomach was in so much pain this morning, I didn't even go to my first class. I have to go to my second one, though, fer sure. I have an exam on Thursday, so I have to figure things out.
Lately, I feel emotionally dead. Ever since I came back from break, really, it's like I am simply going through the motions. The days blur together, with no end in sight. The only thing I really FEEL anymore, is when I am cutting. And I have definitely been doing a lot of that. Really quick deep slashes. My side, my chest, my arm, my legs... I am going to run out of room soon enough. Part of my wants to stop, but another part of me hold onto it like a lifeline.
I used to be sad that I didn't really have any friends here, but now I don't want any. There a couple people who are trying to get together and hang out with me, and, yea, I will talk to them in class, well it's actually only one person, but I just don't want to get too close to anyone. I will be leaving soon, not coming back, and besides, if anyone gets too close, that could be a very big problem. It is hard enough keeping things a secret to begin with.
03 February 2011
Tell Me Purple
Size: 00 (US)
Age: 19
Highest Weight: 122 ish lbs
Lowest Weight: 96 lbs
Goal Weight: 84 lbs
Favorite Diet Food?
Cream of Celery Soup, Fat Free Yogurt, Coffee,Skinny Water
Favorite Binge Food?
Pizza, Bagels, Cereal, Cookies, Baked goods
Favorite Exercise?
Jumping Jacks, Treadmill, Stair-stepper,
Thinspo?
Versace models, Real girls I see while I am out, especially in class.
What Makes You Slip Up?
When I am at work an think about the cookies and have to make them, The Kitchen, being bymyself when I am craving.
What Makes You Strong?
Surprisingly enough, cooking for others, my scale, seeing the pictures of myself at my highest.
When Did It Start?
It really really started March 2010. But slowly festered a few months before that.
Does Anyone Know?
My best friend, J. I think my ex girlfriend suspects. And of course all my readers!
Do You Want Help?
I don't need help. 'Help' will make me fat.
How Many Calories Do You Consume A Day?
300.
What Do You See When You Look In The Mirror?
At first, sometimes, I like what I see, but upon closer examination, I see fat. I see where there should be more space, less fat. More concave.
Are You In A Relationship?
No. And I think I like it better that way.
Is It For Attention?
No... No one even knew or suspected until I came back for break from college. J asked me and I didn't deny it... In a way it was almost relief.
Are You The Fat Or Thin One Out Of Your Friends?
Thin. But I can be thinner. I know it.
Are You Depressed?
I wish I wasn't
Ever Tried To Commit Suicide?
I don't want to die. Ever.
Ever Been To A Psychologist?
8th grade to my senior year in High School. She never knew about my eating. We grew to friends rather than anything else. I only told her the happy things the last year and a half.
Are You On Any Medication?
No. Well, for my wisdom teeth, but that's temporary :)
I AM -
[x] anorexic
[x] ednos
[tendancy] bulimic
[x] living off diet pills
[ ] hungry
[x] thirsty
[ ] drinking something
[ ] eating something
[ ] under 100lbs
[x] starving myself
[ ] participating in a fast
[ ] vegan
PEOPLE -
[ ] ask if I’m anorexic/bulimic
[ ] call me fat
[x] say I’m skinny
[ ] say I’m ugly
[x] say I’m pretty
[ ] spread rumors about me
[ ] force me to eat
[ ] say I eat too much
[x] wish I’d eat more
[x] don't know I'm anorexic/bulimic
[ ] have tried to stop me
I WISH -
[x] I was thin
[x] I had a better body
[ ] I didn't have to eat
[x] I could control myself
[x] I was under 110lbs
[x] I could avoid food
[ ] I could hide what I am
[x] I wasn’t fat
[x] I was prettier
[ ] I could stop being ana/mia
[ ] I had a boy/girlfriend
[x] I could disappear
I LOVE -
[x] feeling hungry
[x] seeing a difference
[ ] shaking
[x] being weak (but strong at the same time)
[x] losing weight
[ ] being anorexic/bulimic
[x] green tea
[ ] diet pills
[x] being able to turn down food
[x] feeling good about myself
I HATE -
[ ] when people stare
[x] being asked questions
[x] having to eat
[ ] being single
[x] wearing short skirts
[x] being fat
[x] looking ugly
[x] feeling this way
[x] fat people
I NEED -
[ ] more support
[x] people to stay out of my business
[ ] more friends
[ ] someone to know
[x] less food
[x] more water
[ ] a gym membership
[ ] to lose 50 lbs
[] to lose 30 lbs
[2x] to lose 10 lbs
Age: 19
Highest Weight: 122 ish lbs
Lowest Weight: 96 lbs
Goal Weight: 84 lbs
Favorite Diet Food?
Cream of Celery Soup, Fat Free Yogurt, Coffee,Skinny Water
Favorite Binge Food?
Pizza, Bagels, Cereal, Cookies, Baked goods
Favorite Exercise?
Jumping Jacks, Treadmill, Stair-stepper,
Thinspo?
Versace models, Real girls I see while I am out, especially in class.
What Makes You Slip Up?
When I am at work an think about the cookies and have to make them, The Kitchen, being bymyself when I am craving.
What Makes You Strong?
Surprisingly enough, cooking for others, my scale, seeing the pictures of myself at my highest.
When Did It Start?
It really really started March 2010. But slowly festered a few months before that.
Does Anyone Know?
My best friend, J. I think my ex girlfriend suspects. And of course all my readers!
Do You Want Help?
I don't need help. 'Help' will make me fat.
How Many Calories Do You Consume A Day?
300.
What Do You See When You Look In The Mirror?
At first, sometimes, I like what I see, but upon closer examination, I see fat. I see where there should be more space, less fat. More concave.
Are You In A Relationship?
No. And I think I like it better that way.
Is It For Attention?
No... No one even knew or suspected until I came back for break from college. J asked me and I didn't deny it... In a way it was almost relief.
Are You The Fat Or Thin One Out Of Your Friends?
Thin. But I can be thinner. I know it.
Are You Depressed?
I wish I wasn't
Ever Tried To Commit Suicide?
I don't want to die. Ever.
Ever Been To A Psychologist?
8th grade to my senior year in High School. She never knew about my eating. We grew to friends rather than anything else. I only told her the happy things the last year and a half.
Are You On Any Medication?
No. Well, for my wisdom teeth, but that's temporary :)
I AM -
[x] anorexic
[x] ednos
[tendancy] bulimic
[x] living off diet pills
[ ] hungry
[x] thirsty
[ ] drinking something
[ ] eating something
[ ] under 100lbs
[x] starving myself
[ ] participating in a fast
[ ] vegan
PEOPLE -
[ ] ask if I’m anorexic/bulimic
[ ] call me fat
[x] say I’m skinny
[ ] say I’m ugly
[x] say I’m pretty
[ ] spread rumors about me
[ ] force me to eat
[ ] say I eat too much
[x] wish I’d eat more
[x] don't know I'm anorexic/bulimic
[ ] have tried to stop me
I WISH -
[x] I was thin
[x] I had a better body
[ ] I didn't have to eat
[x] I could control myself
[x] I was under 110lbs
[x] I could avoid food
[ ] I could hide what I am
[x] I wasn’t fat
[x] I was prettier
[ ] I could stop being ana/mia
[ ] I had a boy/girlfriend
[x] I could disappear
I LOVE -
[x] feeling hungry
[x] seeing a difference
[ ] shaking
[x] being weak (but strong at the same time)
[x] losing weight
[ ] being anorexic/bulimic
[x] green tea
[ ] diet pills
[x] being able to turn down food
[x] feeling good about myself
I HATE -
[ ] when people stare
[x] being asked questions
[x] having to eat
[ ] being single
[x] wearing short skirts
[x] being fat
[x] looking ugly
[x] feeling this way
[x] fat people
I NEED -
[ ] more support
[x] people to stay out of my business
[ ] more friends
[ ] someone to know
[x] less food
[x] more water
[ ] a gym membership
[ ] to lose 50 lbs
[] to lose 30 lbs
[2x] to lose 10 lbs
02 February 2011
The Promise
CW: 98.8
My uni was closed today because of the storm that I guess hit a lot of people. I didn''t even know about it until last night when I was told classes were cancelled, because I don't watch TV. Good thing I get texts or I would have gone to class.
Yesterday, I ate a small low fat piece of danish. I felt really horrible, eating solid food that caloric after all my hard work. So, I took 5 laxatives. I know I shouldn't have, but I dod, so whatevs. I feel so clean. Empty. Tomorrow is going to be a fast day, because I have class 8 to 11, then I work 1130 to 730, with a half hour break probably around 4. I'm not sure what I will be eating today. Probably just a yogurt (90).
My wisdom teeth are getting better. My stitches are starting to come out, finally. It's kind of weird, actually.
So far today, I have had half a pitcher of iced coffee (1 pot coffee(0), 1 1/2 cup fat free milk(135), Splenda(0). That's it. I figure I will eat at 3PM. That way it will give me time to digest it before bed so I don't waste calories and they turn into fat.
I was on myfitnesspal.com, and it told me that if I kept eating how I was eating, I would be down to 87 in 5 weeks. Seeing that made me have a whole new motivation. 87 is a very pretty number, don't you think.
Lots of homework to catch up on, but definitely more laters.
My uni was closed today because of the storm that I guess hit a lot of people. I didn''t even know about it until last night when I was told classes were cancelled, because I don't watch TV. Good thing I get texts or I would have gone to class.
Yesterday, I ate a small low fat piece of danish. I felt really horrible, eating solid food that caloric after all my hard work. So, I took 5 laxatives. I know I shouldn't have, but I dod, so whatevs. I feel so clean. Empty. Tomorrow is going to be a fast day, because I have class 8 to 11, then I work 1130 to 730, with a half hour break probably around 4. I'm not sure what I will be eating today. Probably just a yogurt (90).
My wisdom teeth are getting better. My stitches are starting to come out, finally. It's kind of weird, actually.
So far today, I have had half a pitcher of iced coffee (1 pot coffee(0), 1 1/2 cup fat free milk(135), Splenda(0). That's it. I figure I will eat at 3PM. That way it will give me time to digest it before bed so I don't waste calories and they turn into fat.
I was on myfitnesspal.com, and it told me that if I kept eating how I was eating, I would be down to 87 in 5 weeks. Seeing that made me have a whole new motivation. 87 is a very pretty number, don't you think.
Lots of homework to catch up on, but definitely more laters.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)