Where to begin...
I suppose, I will just go in order? Firstly, I finally got my treadmill up! It is great, every morning I get up and almost immediately go running for at least 30 minutes. I feel like I can finally get back on track, somewhat, anyways. The food here still tempts me, though.
Which leads to the next -- I am likely moving out! Finally, out of my parents house, out of random mood swings (from others) and tip-toeing around. One of my few and greatest friend asked me if I would get a two-bedroom apartment with them, and, well the more I thought about it, the more the idea grew into an action and once I had the sprout growing, I could not stop it. Hopefully, I will be looking at it on Thursday and making my final decision. I know I will miss my brother and sister and even my parents, but it's not like I will be two hundred miles away again. Only about fifteen miles, twenty minute drive, tops. Moving in with this friend, I will not need to hide. They are, I do believe more similar to me than they realize. She is a 'health nut' on a close level of mine, so temptation will be out the door, competition begin.
On to my last point I have been meaning to make... as much as it pains me to say, it is so hard for me to see you. I do love you, we share so much. You are the one that probably knows just about every secret. Almost. However, I seclude myself for a reason. Though I do not know this reason to a point to allow myself to explain it to you, it is true. Every time you pop in and surprise me, I feel my self-esteem fall, feel the rubble of what is left of my heart drift bit by bit by the passing wind. I feel the vice tighten around me. I wish I could cover up my heart, remove it from my sleeve, bury it on a deserted island where no one would find it. Please do not worry. I do still love you, but I feel I am unable to express my mind as to the innerworkings of my being with you any longer. I wrote you a letter. I sealed it away. Will I give it to you? Would you read it would you digest it or purge it and pretend it never happened would I hear back from you or would I lose you forever? I am terrified I will be left behind so I run. Run so far my feet begin to bleed. Soon they will only be stumps left in the dust. How will I run then?
That's sounds great that your moving. Your excited? It's nice to get away from parents and have freedom. And since your not too far, maybe make it a habit to go see your siblings every Sunday or something like that. And, competition sounds great, but living with someone will get hard after a few months. Especially towards the end of the lease. So, good luck and keep in mind that it's hard to live with ANYONE and it's easy to point the finger at the other person. Just warning you from experience.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had a tred mill. Actually, I want an eliptical.
I've missed your posts. I hope your doing well Darling.
Love,
Jane.