At This Velocity

*The Basics*
Name:: sAm
Sex:: female
Birthday:: 15 January
Age:: 19
Location:: Phoenix
Hair Color:: Brown
Eye Color:: Hazel, multi

*My Eating Disorder*
What Eating Disorders Do You Have:: I guess anorexia, although I feel like a fake saying that. It’s not really… Iunno, it’s just not ___
How Long Have You Had Them:: I realized something around the end of March 2010
Why Do You Have An Eating Disorder:: In a way to put it, I am good at it… It never leaves.
Are You Proud or Ashamed of Your Eating Disorder:: Do I have to pick only one… I don’t think I would use the words ‘Proud’ or ‘Ashamed’ more along the lines of… attached, security blanket….
Do People Know About Your Eating Disorder:: My best friend J. That’s it though.
Do You Wish People Knew About it:: No.
Do You Wish You Never Had An Eating Disorder:: Every day. In a way, though, I love it. It’s a love-hate relationship.
Do You Think The Media is Partially Responsible For Your Eating Disorder:: Nope.

*My Body*
Weight Before Eating Disorder:: I guess maybe 120s, back in eighth grade?
Height: 5'4’’
Current Weight:: 97
Highest Weight:: 125ish?
Lowest Weight:: 96
Are You Tired A lot:: Sometimes, yea kind of. Especially when I don’t have coffee, all I can do is sleeeep
Have You Ever Fainted:: Yea, but that was back in eighth grade, when not eating breakfast was foreign to me. All I had for breakfast was a pop-tart, and I was in a gym for a friend’s graduation ceremony. The gym was not air conditioned and probably 100 degrees. I used to eat a lot, I think. I don’t remember.
Are You Cold All The Time:: Kind of. Not ALL the time.
Do Your Ribs Show:: Yea.
Do Your Hipbones Show:: Oh yes. <3
Does Your Collar Bone Show:: Yep
Can You See Your Ribs Through Your Back:: Yes.
Do Your Thighs Touch:: Sometimes. My thighs are discusting.
Chest Size:: Bra: 32A. According to my tape measure,
Does Your Head Look Too Big For Your Body:: I’ve never really looked. I don’t focus it as a whole. I am either looking at my head, or at my body.
Are You Satisfied With The Way You Look Now:: No.
If You Could, What Would You Change About Yourself:: A lot. I wish my thighs were smaller. I wish I could get rid of the fat on my stomach. If I could afford it, laser hair removal would be bomb <3 I wish the fat on my chin would leave. The fat spilling over my jeans.
What Is Your B.M.I.::
What Do The Doctors Say is Your Ideal Weight:: I avoid the doctor like the Plague, now. All I know is, when I was 103, I was apparently in the twelfth percentile, that’s all I know..
What Do You Think Is Your Ideal Weight:: I guess probably between 115 and 125, but that is unacceptable. Disgusting. FAT.

*My Thinspirations*
Who Are Your Thinspirations:: The Versace models. My sister. Real girls.
Who is Your Favorite Thinspiration:: I don’t really have one…
Who is Your Second Favorite Thinspiration:: Again.
Why Do You Envy Them:: Because I want them. They are gorgeous.
What's The Best Thing About Them:: Their thighs don’t touch no matter how much they squeeze them together. They don’t have a double chin.
What's The Worst Thing About Them:: They are probably sad too.
Would You Trade Places With Them If You Could:: No. I am me, sAm I am.

*My Mind*
Do You Consider Your Eating Disorder a 'Disorder':: No. It’s just something that IS.
Are You Pro-Ana/Pro-Mia:: Based on the fact that I do not have a very clear idea what this is exactly, I am going to skip this question.
Would You Ever Want Your Best Friend To Have An Eating Disorder:: No. Just thinking about it makes me cry.
What Are Your Disordered Eating Habits:: laxative abuse, calorie counting, exercise counting (miles, times, calories), cutting out specific food groups, safe foods, impulsive spitting (like putting something in my mouth and then suddenly spitting it out), caffeine, SF candy/gum, diet pills, occasional purging, fasting, always trying to feed everyone else.
Are You Obsessive Compulsive:: I don’t think so.
Are You A Perfectionist:: On some accounts. My makeup, my clothes; it has to at least appear perfect before I leave. The entire time I couldn’t wear makeup because of my wisdom teeth, I was going crazy - especially in school.
Do You Have Depression:: I suppose I do. I wish I didn’t.
Are You A Cutter:: I don’t like that word, but yes.
Have You Ever Been Suicidal:: I want to live forever
Have You Ever Attempted Suicide:: Again, I want to live FOREVER AND EVER
Have You Ever Been Hospitalized For Mental Reasons:: no.
Have You Ever Been Hospitalized For Your Eating Disorder:: nope.
Do You Have Body Dismorphic Disorder:: I don’t think so.

*Your Life Outside Your Disorder*
Favorite Color:: Does black count? A three way between purple, green, and blue.
Favorite Movie:: Boys Don’t Cry, The Holiday, 10,000 B.C.
Favorite Book:: Oh, that’s absolutely impossible to answer. At the moment, Unbearable Lightness, by Portia de Rossi
Favorite T.V. Show:: Ellen, Criminal Minds. I don’t watch TV really, anymore. No access to the broadcasting thingy.
Favorite Season:: Fall. It is cold enough to get away with wearing long sleeves and no one notices, but not so cold that I have to be inside all the time.
Favorite Day of The Week:: …?
Favorite Time Of Day::. Early summer, early fall, in the morning when the sun is at the perfect angle and I can just sit in the grass with Max. Peaceful.
Favorite Holiday:: I don’t like holidays. They make me be mean, for some reason.
Favorite Hobby:: Reading.
Favorite Actor:: So many for many, many different reasons. Johnny Depp.
Favorite Actress:: Natalie Portman, Hillary Swank, Angelina Jolie
Favorite Musician:: hmmm.
Do You Have Any Pets:: Max, my best friend, a mutt. Jack, a lab. Raven, my bob tailed kitty. Joey, my baby and attention whore kitty.
What Do You Like To Do In Your Spare Time:: Read, crochet, chill in the peace and quiet.

*The Future*
What Do You Want To Study In College:: I am studying Psychology and Criminal Justice.
What Career Do You Want:: Eating Disorder Speacialist.
Do You Ever Want To Get Married:: I can’t see it.
Do You Ever Want Kids:: Yes.
Where Do You Want To Live:: Somewhere that is quiet, that makes me happy when I come home.
Will You Have Any Pets:: Always.
What Type of House Do You Want:: I love the little cottage in The Holiday. I could see myself living there.
What Goals Do You Have That Are Unrelated To Your Eating Disorder:: To one day own a Tiburon again. Or a similar car that makes me beam at the thought of it. Oh yea!
What's Your Number One Priority:: To get to my UGW. Whatever that may be, to be happy (whatever that is).
How Do You Think You Will Die:: I like to think I won’t.
When Do You Think You WIll Die:: Hopefully, not for a very very long time.
Will You Be Missed By Anyone:: Max. Probably my friends and family I guess.
Will You Have Any Regrets:: Everything that happened made me who I am today. Without them, I would be a different person.
Will You Have Any Unfinished Business:: Doesn’t everyone?
Will Your eating disorder still be affecting you:: I highly doubt it will ever really be gone.

Feel free to use this. I got it from O.G. on Wanting Is Never Enough. AMAZING blog. You should all go read :)


I've been really busy with classes lately, I'll update when I can...