NeglectfulBadStupidFatBitch

I could start off with saying 'I just don't know what happened,' but in a way, that would be a complete and utter lie. I went home weighing 104.4. Came back weighing 108.8. I comfort myself slightly with the mantra, 'you did not take lax last night, you did not take lax last night, and that has something to do with the gain. even if it IS jsut a little bit.' This is still a slight lie. I was eating like a 'regular' person pretty much would. For me, that is fucking nasty and wayy too much. All my progress has gone down the fucking toilet.

I hadn't been updating as much, because I no longer have internet at my house, so it is hard. I did, however, get offered the managemnet position at work, and I think I may take it.

As a last ditch attempt, I got my tongue pierced.. again. It has been 24 hours since I intook anything other than a few sips of water here and there, some advil and tylenol. It hurts to enev MOVE my tongue, let alone eat anything. It hurts worse than my others, because it is two side by side, going through the muscle. Oh how it hurts. But it will be worth it all in the end. Whether they stay in or not.

I haven't gone to class all week. I jsut can't. I have one more week, then just a 'week' of tests. And then I can finally leave this place forever. and Ever. It seems unreal. Like, it is so close, and when it finally comes to be, someone is going to jump out at me and scream 'PSYCH' it was just all a great joke, no one wants you back, you don't get to go home. You made the mistake of coming here when everyone told you it was a bad idea, and this is what you get for not listening. I should have dropped out in the beginning when I wanted to. It served no purpose to stay here and practically flunk out of college while simultaneously digging myself a deeper and deeper grave.

the only semi-good thing I can say is that I didn't take any laxatives last night. I think I will not take any tonight either. Then take just 1 the following night. And try doing it that way, hopefully I can wean myself off them that way.

My plan, also, is until I go home, I am going to be having only baby food, bananas, applesauce, and popsicles.