Never thought I'd be blogging about this... It has been a long time coming though I guess. I remember, people have always called me skinny, but I never really paid much attention. I saw a picture of myself in 8th grade and it totally discusted me. And that scared me. But I have decided that's maybe a bad thing, but not completely. I am 5'4'' and in 8th grade i weighed around 120 lbs. give or take a couple pounds. I never really paid much attention to it. Back then, I was always taller than my friends. Then, they all caught up to me. However, witht height they all gained weight too.
Now, I am a Senior in high school and weigh 102 lbs. Still the same height. Yet, I'm not happy with it. I feel I could loose more and look better. Much. Much. Better. No one has noticed this. No onenoticed when I stopped eating breakfast. Then junk food. Then only ate a small bit here and there. I think maybe it kind of started when I became vegetarian. After that, I gradually lost the weight, and it didn't really occur to me too much.
About a year ago, my doctor took notice that I was down to 114 lbs. and she would ask me if there was anything wrong. I always said - and still say - no. No No No No No No No NO
Then, I got sick and was down to 107 lbs. I felt proud of myself for being that small. When my doctor told me I was in the twelfth percentile for my height and whatnot, all I could think was 'I can get to a smaller percentile than that, definitely.'
I've been stuck at 102 lately but I want less. Less is more, they always do say. Even just 101 would be niice. But, then what? What happens when I get to 101?
I recently heard about this place called Ophelia's Place kind of close to where I live and I was thinking about talking to them, or even talking to my therapist, but then I got to thinking. I don't know if I'm ready to get help yet. It's not a problem yet. Obviously not becasue no one even noticed yet.
Does that even make any sense...
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