The best I can say for the past four days is I didn't gain. SW:105.4. This morning CW: 105.4.
Today:
wake up, cafe (30).
Drove to campus, use treadmill (-250)
Then at 1pm - Salad(french blend, 13; FF Dressing, 30)= (43)
5pm - Apple (80)
Ricecake(40) with jam(10)
Total: 203
Treadmill: -250
Net Total: -47
That is actually SO much food. This way, I can eat a couple times, rather than making myself wait until afternoon and wanted a shit ton of sweets.
This was not what I wanted for today, to just not have gained... Because of this, I am going to motivate myself even more, especially when I get to finally move back home. |I am going to buy a treadmill.| Simple as that. I am looking at a few different ones. I figure I am going to go to Sports Authority and Dick's Sporting when I finally go home on Wednesday. With the warrantee and tax, my max is going to be 700. Prefferably 600. I figure it is for a good cause though. :) Time for that salad... I'm so scared to eat it. But I WILL have control today! I will.
Showing posts with label Diet. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Diet. Show all posts
16 April 2011
12 April 2011
Plan 15698531
Today was actually quite a good day. Yesterday morning, when I stepped on the scale and saw a significant gain, I flipped. I went to the store and bought new running shoes - this way, I feel obligated to run no matter what because I spent money on them.
Today, I had a presentation and felt like this one kid, who was smirking and whispering throughout my presentaion, was laughing at me so I started hyperventilating and shaking, so I just said that was it, and sat down. My professor wasn't very understanding and gave me a 75 overall on my paper and presentaion...
Because of that, I was more upset. When I went back to my house to get my gym clothes, I had three cookies, purged, and promised to run extra when I got to the gym.
Gym:
Treadmill, 30 miutes - 235 cals
Workout DVD - 120
My net calories for the day was 350. Not too bad, considering, I suppose.
One week from tomorrow, I go home. I need to loose at least 3 lbs by then. That's all I ask for, please please PLEASE!
|~~~|
I can't stand this body anymore, this fat. The swollen glands from purging. The aches in my teeth. I am getting better at control. My weight gain was the result of one very painful day.
Many things had gone very badly, I ate Subway. When I got home, I tried to purge. After about ten minutes, my throat felt like it was on fire and ripping to shred. After I gave up and was weak, my stomach continued to try to rid itself of its contents. I was continuously burping, and at one point I did purge a bit of it involuntarily, but the rest just couldn't come up. I was so very scared. Lieing in bed that night, my heart felt like it was running a marathon. I was up until 5am because I was scared to sleep. I was not tired. I was just scared. Terrified of the number to come the next day. 105.8 (yesterday morning). I almost died of shame. As of tonight, I was 104.8. It CAN be done.
I am going to have a salad with dressing and cucumber (41), yogurt(100), coffee with cafe(70). I will also be going to the gym daily after my class to use the treadmill (-200 to -250). Things will be better.
To distract myself today, I made a fancy-looking chart to track my daily food and exercise as well as weekly weight loss. I figure it will be more motivation with it displayed on my wall for me to see every day.
Today, I had a presentation and felt like this one kid, who was smirking and whispering throughout my presentaion, was laughing at me so I started hyperventilating and shaking, so I just said that was it, and sat down. My professor wasn't very understanding and gave me a 75 overall on my paper and presentaion...
Because of that, I was more upset. When I went back to my house to get my gym clothes, I had three cookies, purged, and promised to run extra when I got to the gym.
Gym:
Treadmill, 30 miutes - 235 cals
Workout DVD - 120
My net calories for the day was 350. Not too bad, considering, I suppose.
One week from tomorrow, I go home. I need to loose at least 3 lbs by then. That's all I ask for, please please PLEASE!
|~~~|
I can't stand this body anymore, this fat. The swollen glands from purging. The aches in my teeth. I am getting better at control. My weight gain was the result of one very painful day.
Many things had gone very badly, I ate Subway. When I got home, I tried to purge. After about ten minutes, my throat felt like it was on fire and ripping to shred. After I gave up and was weak, my stomach continued to try to rid itself of its contents. I was continuously burping, and at one point I did purge a bit of it involuntarily, but the rest just couldn't come up. I was so very scared. Lieing in bed that night, my heart felt like it was running a marathon. I was up until 5am because I was scared to sleep. I was not tired. I was just scared. Terrified of the number to come the next day. 105.8 (yesterday morning). I almost died of shame. As of tonight, I was 104.8. It CAN be done.
I am going to have a salad with dressing and cucumber (41), yogurt(100), coffee with cafe(70). I will also be going to the gym daily after my class to use the treadmill (-200 to -250). Things will be better.
To distract myself today, I made a fancy-looking chart to track my daily food and exercise as well as weekly weight loss. I figure it will be more motivation with it displayed on my wall for me to see every day.
18 January 2011
Snow Globe
So, I'm back at school. I am doing pretty much the same thing, but after I got all unpacked and whatnot, I just got... really down. Not sad, just, down. Classes start tomorrow. Hopefully my mood doesn't get any worse. I can't deal with that and first day stress all together. Too much.
Comment Replies (of which are ridiculousy overdue):
O.G.:Yep, the Blogger app for the droid is awesome! And FREE! I'm glad we both enjoi talking to the internet :) very much so
Elara: I am soo going to read that... once i get through the big list of other books also awaiting my mind's eye. Once I do, I'll let ya know how it was. Thanks for telling me bouts it. And thanks for the happy birthday!
TheScaleCracked: I see what you mean about gaining weight after becoming vegan. I never would have thought it was easier to gain weight being vegan than being vegetarian. I have to be so much more strict now. And I am jealous of YOU >> Beautiful (if you don't mind my saying :) I noticed you don't have a blog. Do you have one somewhere else? I would be quite interested in reading.
It has been so long since I last posted. Quite a lot has kinda happened.
To begin, my birthday dinner... oh mymymy. Very bad. Very bad indeed. We ended up going to Friendly's and I ate half a veggie patty and some fries. However, allowing myself to eat that caused me to keep eating them. I went out with friends about three times that week after and at one point, went to applebees and ate an entire veggire cowboy burger, and all my fries. HOLY CRAP! Just imagining those calories makes me want to puke.
Last night was pretty bad too. I hung out with Kristin, she made me dinner. We had spaghetti and meatless meatballs, garlic bread, and a cup of soy milkshake. That alone was too much. But, then, I went home and for some reason had a vegan brownie and two sliced of lite wheat toast with peanut butter. Then I had two more slices of toast with pb. and I had probably three glasses of crystal light lemonade as well. I hadn't purged since my birthday dinner, but last night, it was really not a choice. It was surprisingly easy to do so, I was glad.
Another thing that has badly developed is laxatives. I hate to think of what I have likely done to myself. The night of my birthday dinner, I took 4 before dinner and six more after purging because I was worried purging had possibly gotten rid of some of the laxatives I had already taken. Then the day after I took 6, and the day after that 8, and so on and so forth. Friday night, I took a total of twelve... In the past two weeks, I have probably not taken laxatives maybe, three days max? I, however, did not take any today. Simply becasue I don't want to be in class with a bunch of new people and be running to the bathroom. I don't want to be worrying about having to do so, either.
One good thing about being back here, is that I already feel more of a sense of control again. Back home, I had been doing so well, all the way down to 97, only to lose it and get back all the way up to 102. I am down to 100 right now. I ate a fat free scone my dad picked up for me. I felt bad, becasue it was vegan and he was all excited about it, so I ate it, because I didn't want to make him sad right before I left. Then, I weighed myself just now, after drinking some Powerade (trying to get some electrolytes back from all those laxatives. Zero calories, of course) and it said 100.3, so hopefully with my new restrictions, I will at least be able to be back down to 97 by Friday. I only work three days this week, and no closing days (thankfully, I don't think I will be closing anymore)so, I am going to be planning out my days from everything to going to class, laundry, when I will do what, and when and what exactly I will eat. This seems to work the best for me, so nothing it unplanned and there is no time to roam. Also, I have takien all the food that is in my room and placed it in a drawer in my dresser and covering the food are pictures of me in eighth grade, at about my highest weight and pictures of my favourite Versace thinspo.
Tomorrow's intake: I am going to go down to 300 calories. This seems to be a perfect number. More, and it seems wrong, and less is almost sure to spark a binge.
Coffee x2 w/Splenda
1 serving vegetarian Vegetable soup - 90
1/2 cup applesauce - 50
20 Grapes - 60
This is only 200 calories, but I am going to toy around with it tomorrow and see what my other options are to make it be 300.
Off to bed, 9am class tomorrow.
XXX
Comment Replies (of which are ridiculousy overdue):
O.G.:Yep, the Blogger app for the droid is awesome! And FREE! I'm glad we both enjoi talking to the internet :) very much so
Elara: I am soo going to read that... once i get through the big list of other books also awaiting my mind's eye. Once I do, I'll let ya know how it was. Thanks for telling me bouts it. And thanks for the happy birthday!
TheScaleCracked: I see what you mean about gaining weight after becoming vegan. I never would have thought it was easier to gain weight being vegan than being vegetarian. I have to be so much more strict now. And I am jealous of YOU >> Beautiful (if you don't mind my saying :) I noticed you don't have a blog. Do you have one somewhere else? I would be quite interested in reading.
It has been so long since I last posted. Quite a lot has kinda happened.
To begin, my birthday dinner... oh mymymy. Very bad. Very bad indeed. We ended up going to Friendly's and I ate half a veggie patty and some fries. However, allowing myself to eat that caused me to keep eating them. I went out with friends about three times that week after and at one point, went to applebees and ate an entire veggire cowboy burger, and all my fries. HOLY CRAP! Just imagining those calories makes me want to puke.
Last night was pretty bad too. I hung out with Kristin, she made me dinner. We had spaghetti and meatless meatballs, garlic bread, and a cup of soy milkshake. That alone was too much. But, then, I went home and for some reason had a vegan brownie and two sliced of lite wheat toast with peanut butter. Then I had two more slices of toast with pb. and I had probably three glasses of crystal light lemonade as well. I hadn't purged since my birthday dinner, but last night, it was really not a choice. It was surprisingly easy to do so, I was glad.
Another thing that has badly developed is laxatives. I hate to think of what I have likely done to myself. The night of my birthday dinner, I took 4 before dinner and six more after purging because I was worried purging had possibly gotten rid of some of the laxatives I had already taken. Then the day after I took 6, and the day after that 8, and so on and so forth. Friday night, I took a total of twelve... In the past two weeks, I have probably not taken laxatives maybe, three days max? I, however, did not take any today. Simply becasue I don't want to be in class with a bunch of new people and be running to the bathroom. I don't want to be worrying about having to do so, either.
One good thing about being back here, is that I already feel more of a sense of control again. Back home, I had been doing so well, all the way down to 97, only to lose it and get back all the way up to 102. I am down to 100 right now. I ate a fat free scone my dad picked up for me. I felt bad, becasue it was vegan and he was all excited about it, so I ate it, because I didn't want to make him sad right before I left. Then, I weighed myself just now, after drinking some Powerade (trying to get some electrolytes back from all those laxatives. Zero calories, of course) and it said 100.3, so hopefully with my new restrictions, I will at least be able to be back down to 97 by Friday. I only work three days this week, and no closing days (thankfully, I don't think I will be closing anymore)so, I am going to be planning out my days from everything to going to class, laundry, when I will do what, and when and what exactly I will eat. This seems to work the best for me, so nothing it unplanned and there is no time to roam. Also, I have takien all the food that is in my room and placed it in a drawer in my dresser and covering the food are pictures of me in eighth grade, at about my highest weight and pictures of my favourite Versace thinspo.
Tomorrow's intake: I am going to go down to 300 calories. This seems to be a perfect number. More, and it seems wrong, and less is almost sure to spark a binge.
Coffee x2 w/Splenda
1 serving vegetarian Vegetable soup - 90
1/2 cup applesauce - 50
20 Grapes - 60
This is only 200 calories, but I am going to toy around with it tomorrow and see what my other options are to make it be 300.
Off to bed, 9am class tomorrow.
XXX
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