Begining of a Temporary End

So, as I said earlier, I will fill you in. Over the summer, a friend and I got together, but not all the way of course. He is absolutely, no question, the nicest guy, hell the nicest person, I have ever met. We hung out a bit, and it went form there. My nice 'little' drug habit is a gift from him. But I never regret one day spent with him. Never. The thing is, though, we talked about it, because, form the outside view we looked like the happiest couple. But, after talking about it, decided to be jsut friends... That hurt more than I can ever explain. But, I was selfish and wanted what I could get. Let my mind read into it what it may, I didn't care. I'm not saying we DID anything, because we didn't. It was the company. The feelings of being wanted and wanting that someone back. Because those feelings were real. The day I left for college, he moved out of state to get away from the drugs and moved in with his dad. Five hours away from home... The day we left, he called me to amke sure I made it to college -- and said he loved me. I said as well without thought. And it's been like that ever since. We talk about it. He asks if I've met anyone (I think he somewhat hopes I will, because he feels he hurt me. I will never tell him that) But I don't want anyone else. I want HIM. We have both mad eit clear that we want to be together. However, distance is getting in the way. We have both said whatever happens, will happen. And that is that. For now...

The drugs... Before college, I was doing soo many drugs it wasn't even funny. And it's not like I did some, decided those weren't good anymore and did something else. Nah, if someone asked me if I wasnted to do it, I pretty much did it. Keep in mind, I was legit straight egde before I turned eighteen in January. I started smoking, and then hanging out with him, I bagan smoking every day any time of the day. Mushrooms. E. Hydro 10s. Mollie (I'm pretty sure I spelled this wrong, but yea. MDMA). Mushrooms were by far my favourite, that's for sure.

But, when I was with him, I was happy. Almost forgot about my body. However, I was always on something, so I'm sure that had a bit to do with it... But still...

This last week I haven't smoked at all. And that's really good for me. Especially since when I get really down, I'll just get baked out of my mind, then hide my keys so I can't go get food, so that way, I have the wonderful feeling, but stop myself from being able to go get food and eat.