Ultimately...?

Someone recently asked me if I had an ultimate goal weight... I said I did not... Now, though, the thought will not get out of my head.





75.





It is such a pretty number. A pretty size.




I weighed myself today. It is absolutely unacceptable. Discusting. I don't even want to look at myself. How can anyone else? They are probably jsut humoring me into thinking that, but they are really thinking, wow, she's gained weight. And I fucking have, too. It's not a lie. I lost myself when I lost him. When I came here. I went this way, he went that way. I guess I should start this over and explain...