Why Can I Not Forget Him??

SO, today, I was working and my ex came in. He isn't just an ex though- he was my first boyfriend. The story with him is as follows:

He saw me in the hallway and it took him 3 weeks to figure out who I was. When he did, we started talking, then dated for a shprt while, then jumped into the relationship phase, so to speak. (The thing with that, is,m I tend to do that more foten than not. jump right into things i mean, I know it's not good for me, but tha's just what happens)He was pushy, and kind of mean in the way that he was always telling me that he had all these other girlfriends and everything. He told me we should 'take a break' essentially because I wouldn't sleep with him or give him head. Then, we didn't talk for five months and then he reandomly texted me and we kind of got together again, then I realized he was seeing a 15 year old, even though I had specifically asked him if he was seeing anyone else. He even told me he loved me. I never said it back, but that's not entirely my point. So i broke up with him, and today, in he walks. I don't want to have feelings for him. And I thought I didn't. I was sure I didn't. But seeing him today, we were being civil and he was being nice. and I was smiling, even though I was trying not to. I don;t like that he has that effect on me. It doesn't make any sense that I should have feelings for him. He broke my heart and hurt me in so many ways. It doesn;t make any sense!

On a better note though, I have gotten down to 100.7 a new low for me - which is awesome. I'm that close to getting thin finally. I noticed that I have discusting love handles. Everyone envies me for not having them, but I see them and they are nasty. I DON'T even want to look at myself anymore. It hurts that I feel I am losing everyone. I can't tell them about my body or my emotions. Npt even him. I just don't know what I should do, it's just so confusing and it doesn't make any sense.


Breakfast:
Coffee w/lite cream and 1.5 tsp. sugar
Lunch:
Raisin Bran with milk
Dinner:
One stuffed shell ( I had to go to dinner and had to eat a little bit just to show them. I felt horrible. All those calories and cheese. It doesn't bellong inside me. Nothing does.)
Chef garden salad, no dressing (had lettuce, carrots, cucumbers, spinach)